Week 5 - The Worrier

I was a long time card-carrying Worrier long before I was a parent. Yes, I have always been one of those people that worries obsessively over things and gets all worked up. Marty is ten minutes late coming home from work? What if he was in a car accident and is in some ditch right now?! My boss needs to see me? What if i get fired?! How will we afford our mortgage?! My friend hasn't returned my phone call? She must be mad at me! What did I do?!

Yes, I am a classic Worrier and I recognize that most of what I worry about is completely ridiculous. However, being a Worrier and a Parent is a very dangerous combination - and it takes Worry to a completely different level. There are a million things to worry about when you are responsible for another human life, especially when you are a first time parent and have no idea what you are doing. It's so easy to worry, in fact, that I have even sucked Marty (a Non-Worrier) into my Web of Worry!

There are the normal worries, like the classic "Is she breathing?" There is so much propaganda about SIDS these days that there is no way anyone couldn't worry about this. Then there is the "Is she getting enough food?" worry, a common worry for a nursing mother, as you can't see or measure how much your child is consuming and therefore must you become overly obsessed and attentive to her bodily functions. (Should her poop be that color?!)

Then we bring our parenting skills into question, because, as I mentioned, this parenting thing is a combination of what we've been told, what we've read and just plain guess work. Why is she crying? Does she cry too much? Why hasn't she cried recently? Is she sleeping too much? Why isn't she sleeping? Is she eating too often? Why hasn't she eaten lately? Are we spoiling her by picking her up too much? Are we not being attentive enough to her needs? Do we let her sleep in our arms too often? And on and on....

Frankly, I think that it's easy to become an obsessive Worrier when you are focusing 100% of your attention, 24/7, on your infant (especially when you are awake so many hours of the day!). Really, what else is there to do? Before she starts really interacting and communicating you can only guess what is going on, why she does what she does, and hope that the things that you are doing aren't going to send her into therapy later in life. Babies and so fragile and helpless and they need their parents to be their everything..and that's an awesome responsiblity. But deep down I do know that it is a responsibility Marty and I were ready for. The reality check is that there a plenty of parents who are terrible and neglectful or just don't care...and most kids turn out ok despite this, so our kid should be in the clear. I think we can (and will) do a good job raising Elise. I know that there will be a million things for me to worry about as Ellie grows up, (She's going to drive one day! And date!) so I guess I'd better learn to relax a little, and just enjoy the ride...