On the way to genius

As you may have noticed from seeing her or from the pictures, Elise is still rockin' the Sinead O'Connor look (bald). Actually, she has started to grow a mullet (business up front, party in the back!), but still the top of her little head is as bald and pale as they come. Before she was born, Marty and I joked that we would have a baby with skin so pale she'd be see-through. Now it's no joke! The child is translucent! Because her skin is so sensitive and fair and because she has no hair to protect her little scalp, I absolutely insist that she wears a hat every time we go outside. I am completely paranoid about her getting sunburn on the top of her head. That would just be miserable for everyone.

Elise and neighbor Myles














When I first instituted the always-wear-a-hat rule she would just pull the hat off and chuck it as far away as possible, which did little to protect her scalp and resulted in lots of squats (while I picked up the hat and put it back on her head) and frustration for Mommy. So to combat this issue, we bought several hats that had a chin strap. At first, Ellie tugged and tugged at her hat to try to get it off, and when she couldn't she'd get frustrated and cry, but eventually get so involved in all the fun outdoor activities that she'd forget she hated the hat so much. After a few days of this I think she got kind of used to the hat, and stopped trying to fight it so much.

Now that she can understand more, she knows hat=outside. And she LOVES going outside so naturally she has grown to love her hats and even wears the ones without chin straps from time to time with little complaint. A few weeks ago, it was early in the morning and overcast and we were going to go play out front for a little bit before we had to leave for daycare. So I helped her put her shoes on and then walked over to the front door, and she came running after me, very excited, as usual that she was going to be going outside. But before she got to the door, she came to a screeching halt and looked up at me and pointed to the top of her little bald hat and said "hat." Not only was this exciting because I have so ingrained it in her mind that she has to wear a hat outside that she actually has to remind me about it, but also because she expanded her vocabulary! Our friend Mike pointed out that by adding "hat" to her repertoire, she actually increased her vocabulary by like 16%. Now that's impressive.

Last night, we were going through the bedtime routine and Marty was holding Ellie and all of a sudden she started very intently staring at Marty's face. So he said, "Where's Daddy's nose?" and she pointed to his nose. Then he said "Where are Daddy's ears?" and she pointed to his ear. So he said "Where are Daddy's eyes?" and she pointed to his nose. He said, "No, that's my nose, these are my eyes" and he directed her hand to his eyes. Then she smiled and said "eyes" repeatedly as she poked him in the eyeball, increasing her vocabulary by another 14%! Daddy may have permanent cornea damage, but Ellie is on her way to genius!

Today was a great day and it's not even over

Today has been a great day so far. First off, Meredith and I don't usually give any kind of parenting advice to anyone because the fact of the matter is, everyone is different - every kid is different and just because your kid does this and that doesn't mean it applies to my child. That's why I hate all those mommy sites out there because all it does is make Meredith crazy (or feel really good about herself since other people's kids are so messed up.) Either way, it's no good. It's best just to share stories so people can pick and choose what applies to them with no judgment. So, having said that - here's some parenting advice everyone can take to the bank! In the spirit of the new EAGLES season (Ellie's favorite team), I will drop some wisdom on you in football form. It's all about the teamwork. I know what you're thinking...duh! But it's a simple concept that people forget. Let's examine what happens with good teamwork through smart plays on the field and we'll use today's game (a great day) as an example.

Kickoff - Elise woke up around 6:00 as per usual and Meredith quickly shut off the monitor and went an got her. Now before you yell at me for being the typical lazy dad, this is practiced play -Saturday is my day to sleep in and Sunday is Meredith's day to sleep in. For this play to work though, the quarterback and the receiver (of sleep) have to have communicated before hand so there is no frustration. There is nothing worse than an interception of sleep when it is wide open. The reason this play is so effective is that it not only produces the desired sleep effect everyone is expecting, it has the secondary (or primary depending on how you look at it) effect of getting in some AWESOME one-on-one time with the child. Happy baby + One-on-One time = AWESEOME start to weekend.

Walk with me as I continue the metaphor...
After the receiver has successfully caught sleep and made it to the end zone, child and quarterback run in to celebrate. One of my favorite new traditions is waking up Saturday morning to a smiling and usually kissy/playful baby excited to see me. We do a little icky shuffle (look up running back/Bengals for reference) for a few minutes and then it's on to the next play.

Today Meredith and I joined the Please Touch Museum as members. This means we can go an many times as we like for a year. Momma and Elise went last week and had a blast so I begged to go this morning. We piled into the car and found some free parking downtown. (Does it get any better?) We entered the museum and the play began.

Now, on this play it's important to remember that parents have to play both sides of the ball - offense and defense. Elise being the ball of course... ball of fun! The reason for this is that you don't want to have one parent down playing with the ball on offense all the time while the other parent has to say excuse me to the other parents an clean up after the tornado of playtime destruction that inevitably follows your ball of fun. That just leads to dissension on the team. Now here, you and your teammate have got to be able to improvise and communicate without words. There are many hazards including the playing field itself, other sometimes bigger balls are flying in from all directions and the fans or parents (on their own teams) can be very judgmental. Block it all out and concentrate on your ball.
Elise had an amazing time today at the museum and the reward of a game well played is two-fold:
1. Her squeals of delight and joy are enough to bring me back a hundred times this year and
2. She took a nice long nap when we got home...I love halftime.

Another nice thing that we noticed is that despite the previous writing of accounts of our daughter tackling and being a linebacker with other kids at the daycare, we saw no evidence of this. Elise is not shy of other kids - she walks right up to them and starts playing and talking, nor is she a bully, as we watched her over and over again, sharing or waiting her turn and she wasn't a pushover either. No matter how big the kid was, she got her play time in. I was really proud of her and her behavior today, it was really fun to be a part of it.

The other cool part was how well Meredith and I played both offense and defense. When the whole team is working and playing well, it just makes for a great day! I gotta stop writing and head back into the game now!

Allergy Update

While we were on vacation at Bethany Beach, Marty accidentally gave Ellie some English Muffin that had milk as one of the ingredients (I swear you would be shocked by all of the random things that have milk in them!) so since it was already done, we decided to go all out and give her a cup of milk. That way, if she did have a reaction, there would be no doubt what it was. It took a little more than a day, but Ellie was eventually covered in a head to toe rash (mild though it was) and had just a few nasty looking hives. The good news is that she didn't really seem to have any gastro-intestinal issues and actually thought the milk was pretty tasty. Maybe one day she will be able to enjoy it! And really, the rash wasn't that bad, it's just that it was everywhere. She had one afternoon of being completely and totally melt-down crazy, but we have no proof that it was the milk. It could have just been end of vacation craziness.

So after the rash and hives completely cleared up (nearly a week later), we got some soy milk and gave that to her. This was much less successful on many levels (though I don't really know that head to toe rash and hives is successful, but whatever). First of all she HATED it. This is my fault because I bought the unsweetened kind and upon tasting it myself realize that Elise is right - it's pretty gross. The rice milk is fairly sweet, so I am little worried that it has spoiled her to sweet things. But, sweet or not, the unsweetened soy milk is just plain disgusting. So, I mixed it with rice milk and she tolerated it enough to drink a cup.

The reaction to the soy was much, much worse than the milk. There actually was not rash or hives, but she had horrible gas pains and was completely miserable. She was gassy and crying and generally a wreck. It was like the old days and it was terrible. Rash and hives on a happy baby is much better than rash-less baby in pain.

So what does all of this mean? Well, it basically means that we are back to square one. She is still not getting enough fat in her diet and we need to find something to replace milk since rice milk does not have a sufficient amount of fat. The pediatrician gave us a list of foods we could try (avocado, beans, olive oil, etc) but she has not liked any of those things. So, I am going to make an appointment with a nutritionist to try to figure all of this out. Ah, the joys of parenthood!

The Danger of the Daycare

So when I dropped Elise off at daycare this morning, Dru (our and Ellie’s favorite employee) said “I think I figured out why Elise is so skinny.” I leaned in, awaiting some nugget of brilliance from this woman who has worked at this daycare for 18 years and has seen countless children and situations. “She burns lots of extra calories from tackling the other children.”

Um, what? Our little baby tackles children? Yes, apparently our seemingly innocent smiley little one, who still does not weigh in at 20 pounds, is in training to become a linebacker. She is using the other kids at the daycare as her personal training tools (Aunt Shoshana would be proud). “She doesn’t do it in a malicious way,” Dru continued, “She is being playful. But poor little Christine hit the rug more times than I could count yesterday.”

Urgh. I am so sorry little preemie Christine who is just now finally learning how to walk, if my insane linebacker child has now deterred you from standing for fear of being tackled. I hope that she has not permanently scarred you and that your parents do not sue us when you are still not walking at age 15.

I guess that in our paranoia not to gender stereotype and be too gentle and girly with Elise, we may have gone a little overboard on the roughhousing and physical fun. She has apparently taken a little too much of a liking to Marty’s favorite “chase and tackle game.” (but I swear she has not once even tried to tackle either of us!). I guess we should give gentle and girly a try. Gender stereotyping or not, it sounds less dangerous.

Time Travel

I've lived on this planet for 30 years and feel pretty confident that I've got a grasp on how time works. I am wrong. When speaking of our children, everyone says, 'oh, they grow up so fast.' I'm here to tell you that is because they are controlling time. That's right, my child has the ability to bend time to her will and speed it up. There is no other explanation. I have these moments with Elise that are the most wonderful moments I've ever experienced. We'll be playing outside, rolling around, giggling and let's say we went out around 9 AM. We play for about 20 minutes and when we go inside it's 11 AM. I haven't quite figured out how she turns 20 minutes into 2 hours, but I hate it. As a child everything is about getting older, getting more coordination, exploring the world and doing things tomorrow that you couldn't do today. How often do we say to children, 'you're not ready for that' or 'that's for the big kids' or 'when you're older'? Children hear this, and they use their amazing powers even without knowing it to speed things up. They are simply dying to get to tomorrow to do more.

As parents, we are not completely at the mercy of time though. My mission is to learn to time travel. I've been practicing and for the first time am willing to share time traveling secrets with the world.

You must create a strong memory. You can't just float around out there in time, you've got to go with a purpose. Think of this as a time anchor that will be a place in history that you can return to at will. For example, sometimes when Elise is asleep, I sneak into her room and watch her sleep, listen to her breathing and watching her tiny movements. In moments like these, I am specifically trying to capture time. I want to slow it down to the point so that when we're older and she's speeding through life, I can recall this moment and it won't feel like a lifetime away, but rather just yesterday. I'm pretty sure that is why my mom sometimes looks at me and she doesn't see the man before her, but the little boy running around like a crazy person. There's this strange smile that comes across her face at times like these. I might even go on to continue having a conversation with her, but in reality she is gone to some place back in time revisiting a memory of mother and child.

Also, it is a battle. Don't try to keep every moment, you must be selective. If you try too hard to remember everything, you will hold onto nothing. When we were at the beach, I found that as I was trying to capture every moment - especially Elise learning to swim. In the beginning of the week, she was terrified of the water, but by the end of the week she was having fun and splashing around in our arms for long lengths of time. But when did that happen... what day, what moment. I can't remember. As the 38 Special song instructs, 'hold on loosely but don't let go - if you cling too tightly you're gonna loose control.'

Repetition early and often is the key. Start replaying days in your mind immediately. Once you've selected which memories to keep and which ones to let go, keep going back to them. Each time you do it strengthens the connection. It's like building the synapses in your mind... the more you do something, the better and faster you get. I often go back to a moment in time where Ellie, Meredith and I were all playing on our bed laughing rolling around. The late afternoon sun was shining in through our window and we were getting Elise excited to go to the park and everything was simply... perfect. This is the moment I practice going back in time to more than any other.

Just remember that your children won't stop wishing to be bigger or older and that their powers are remarkable. The worst thing you can ever say is, "I can't wait until..." This will compound their power over time and in fact you won't have to wait long. So, to my daughter, cut it out! I am loving you right now - except when you're whining... I can't wait until you stop whining... aw nuts!

Friends and Fun

Lauren, Ellie and Regan
This week, the Molloy's joined forces with the Sumy family for a week-long vacation in Bethany Beach. Some might say that a week in a two bedroom condo with a 4 month old, a one year old and a two year old is anything but a vacation, but I beg to differ. We actually had a fun-filled relaxing week; the older Molloys got to have some much needed adult time with friends and best of all, Ellie got to make some friends of her own.

At daycare, Elise is always running with the older crowd of girls, so it's really no surprise that she took to idolizing Regan (2 years old) pretty quickly. She was a bit stand offish the first day, but by the end of the week, she cried whenever Regan left the room. At Ellie's age, kids usually do a lot of "parallel play" where they sit side by side other kids playing independently, but don't really play with each other. There was a lot of that that went on, but there was also a lot of chasing and playing and interacting with Regan which was both fun and hilarious. The two were chasing each other around, dancing for baby Lauren, shutting each other in cabinets (much to the chagrin of their parents), playing peek-a-boo and shrieking in childhood joy like a bunch of adorable maniacs. It made us excited at the prospect of Ellie having a brother or sister to play with one day (except when the three girls were simultaneously melting down - that's when we were excited at the prospect of Ellie being an only child forever)

With three kids under the age of 26 months out of their elements and routines, there was much potential for stress and chaos, but there were definitely more fun moments than meltdowns, so I'd say it was a huge success. Ellie wasn't wasn't as fond of the beach this time as she was a few weeks ago in Ocean City, but it was much hotter and more humid and the sand was scalding hot and sticky. We had better luck at
the beach late in the evening when it was less hot and less crowded (although she still preferred the slide that was on beach to playing in the sand) The ocean waves still completely terrified her, no matter what time of day it was.

We had a little better luck with the pool this time around though. We first tried the indoor pool, thinking the water temperature would be more like the bath water that she loves so much. It's true the water was much warmer, but it was so loud in there with kids screaming and splashing, I think that she was overwhelmed and intimidated. So, we went back to the outdoor pool. By the third or fourth day, she went from simply tolerating the outdoor pool, to actually smiling and laughing every once in a while. The big success was with the kiddie pool, which she actually immensely enjoyed. She liked being able to walk around in the water instead of being held (maybe she's a control freak) and thought that climbing up and down the two pool steps was the greatest thing ever. This seemingly endless activity was less fun for Mom and Dad, but we humored her as to encourage her newfound enjoyment of the pool.


Another highlight of the vacation was the Bethany Beach playground (you know you are a parent when you start saying that a playground is the highlight of your vacation). Ellie absolutely loves playgrounds, and this one had ample things for her to climb and slide and swing on. The biggest plus to this was that we took her there every morning and by the time we got back to the condo she was so exhausted she (usually) zonked out for her nap pretty quickly. This playground had lots of good kid sized railings that she could practice using to go down stairs (along with the sit n' scootch method) and by the end of the week she had developed awesome going-down-stairs skills. While she has been a champ at going up stairs for months now, she has stubbornly resisted learning how to safely go down stairs (she wants to walk down stairs like she sees her parents doing which of course she can't, and we have horrifying visions of her taking a faceplant down a flight of steps - thus explains our excitement over learning how to go down stairs safely at a wood chip laden playground). Fun AND learning - now that's a vacation!

This was the longest that Elise has ever been away from home, and I think that she was happy to be in her own bed last night (we could tell by the maniacal running around in her crib infused with squeals of delight). However, she does mournfully point and grunt at the picture we have of Regan on our fridge every time we pass it. Our baby made a friend.

The Irrational Parent

There seems something fitting about the fact that "Momma Said Knock You Out" just came on the ipod as I started to write this blog. See, the thing is, I'm the second parent. In Ellie's world there are two kinds of people: 1. People who are Mommy and 2. People who are not Mommy. I fall in the second category and most of the time I'm okay with that. One of my fatherhood mentors, William Sparks once said to me, 'your job is to keep mom happy. Mom keeps baby happy and alive and baby is in charge. 'In fact,' he continued, 'think of it as Ellie is driving the car, Mom is in the backseat and you're in the trunk.' Truer words were never spoken. I am prepared to play my part as Marty, guy in the trunk (aka not Mommy). Sure I joke about being second fiddle, but Ellie and I get enough quality time together that we've got our inside jokes and special playtime, so it's cool. That is until I become unglued and completely irrational.

The other night as we progressed through our bedtime routine everything was fine. Besides that fact that I accidentally hit Ellie in the head with the bathroom door, everything was fine. We even laughed and joked in the bathtub a few minutes later. Book time was good, saying goodnight to all the animals in her room went smoothly, then came kiss goodnight. I got nothing, nada, bubkis. Maybe a little peck, but then she pushing away from me and to get over to mommy for goodnight kisses and man, I think she was trying to send a message because it was Kissfest 2007 with Mommy. She just kept planting big, wet enthusiastic kisses all over Mommy's face again and again and again. I gotta say, I was hurt. My daughter wanted nothing to do with me. That's it, it's over, I had my moment in time with her. It'll be discipline issues and awkward conversations where we don't ever actually say anything to each other. I was crushed.

Meredith felt a little bad too because she had been a willing participant in Kissfest 2007 and did nothing to temper it. She knew I was hurt, but hey, she's on top - everything is great.

But tonight... ah, tonight. I was slobbered on. I got kisses on my cheek, I got kisses on my nose, I got kisses when People who are Mommy were holding Ellie trying to get their own goodnight kisses. It was awesome. I'm back, I'm on top. We're going to be fine, she's Daddy's Little Girl forever and I can picture walks on the beach next weekend, and playing the sand and eating ice cream together and making the best memories ever.

I wonder if parenthood will continue to turn me into a nutjob or if at some point I will stop being an irrational parent and be the calm cool collected parent my parents were...(I'm in such deep trouble.)

Milkin' It

Way back in August of 2006 when we determined that Elise had a dairy and soy allergy, my doctor helpfully pointed out that 95% of babies with an intolerance to the milk protein outgrow it by age one. At the time, it seemed like a lifetime for both of us to banish milk and soy from our diets. But time has flown by and we have made it through the year, with only one or two accidental milk intake incidents, all of which resulted in Ellie getting a head to toe rash, and suffering from major gastro-intestinal issues. Needless to say, I was not feeling very confident that Ellie would be one of those 95%.

Since her first birthday, I have been slowly cutting back the amount of times she nurses (down to once in the morning and once at night - no more pumping! anyone who has ever pumped for any length of time knows that this is monumental!) and completely eliminated bottles (only sippy cups now). But she has low iron and doesn't like meat so I have been fairly worried about Ellie's diet, especially when it comes to iron, fat and protein, and thus have been reluctant to wean her completely. She is drinking rice milk during the day from her sippy cup, but while it is fortified with vitamins and calcium, it does not have the fat her little brain needs for healthy development. On top of that, at 18 pounds, she is only in the 18th percentile for weight. My doctor has said that we shouldn't be concerned about this, but cutting out our little vegan's main source of fat and nutrients (breast milk) seems like it wouldn't do her weight any favors.

Now I realize that there are children that have a consistent diet of McDonalds and soda and never even have a sip of milk and they are probably fine. But I obviously want Ellie to be as healthy as possible and I want what is best for her in every way. All that being said, last week we decided that now is as good a time as any to do a "dairy challenge" to see what her reaction would be now that she is 12 months old. Last Thursday on a whim, I bought a container of regular yogurt and fed it to her. Just like that! She liked the yogurt and for the rest of the day and through the night there was no issue at all!

But just when we thought she was completely in the clear, she began to develop a rash and got some fairly bad eczema on one of her arms the next morning. Still, this was a very mild reaction comparatively and she didn't really have any gastro-intestinal problems which were the worst part of the reaction before. So we decided to go all out and buy some whole milk! Unfortunately the next day she developed a nasty chest cold so we've decided to hold off until she is congestion free. We are a little worried that the "cold" might be part of the allergic reaction, but there is really no way to tell unless we try it again.

Still, we remain hopeful that the end is in sight! If she can drink whole milk with mild or no issues, then I will wean her completely and my pizza-free days will officially be over. Cross your fingers.

More Beach Pics!

Constant Change

It still amazes me, even after of more than a year of experiencing it, how much your child can change in a matter of days (even hours!). Last week, Elise had one tooth. This week she has three! Last week she was completely bald on the top of her head. This week she actually has some strands of hair starting to grow! She is slowly but surely starting to look less like a baby and more like a toddler every day.

It's not just the physical aspects either. Everyday, Elise is learning and doing new things that totally blow my mind. She is still not saying very much -mama, dada, hi, hello, bye and nana(for banana) - but the range of things that she understands is incredible. When I say, let's read a book, she goes and gets one and brings it to me. If I say let's read the fish book, she goes and gets the book with a fish on it. When I say where's mommy's nose, she grabs my nose. When I say give mommy a kiss, she kisses me (this is by far the cutest thing of all time and she will give a slobbery open mouth kiss - she can't quite pucker yet - to just about anything when directed to do so). So basically, she is really good at following directions (when it is something she wants to do. She understands "no" but doesn't like to listen to that direction)

She is starting to get other concepts as well. Last week, her Opa laid down on her Dora couch and started fake snoring, pretending to be asleep. Seeing this, Ellie went and got her Elephant that she sleeps everyday for naps and bedtime, and took it over to him for him to have while he was sleeping! When we tell her we're going to go outside, she goes and gets her shoes and tries to put them on (unsuccessfully) or hands them to one of us. If we just put her shoes on without saying we're going anywhere, she runs over to the door after her shoes are on, knowing that's what's happening next.

She is not good at going down stairs yet. She wants to walk down stairs holding a railing or a hand, but she is still a little too small for that. She flat out refuses to crawl down backwards, something we've been trying to teach her for five months. But when she gets to an edge (a step or sandbox edge or something) if we say "stop" she will stop and wait for one of us to help her down. This is a huge improvement over her previous "have no fear" tumbling.

She has also become our little helper. She loves picking up the magnolia flower buds from the yard and throwing them in the trashcan (little does she know she will hate this chore, that will inevitably be hers, in a few years). She has also gotten very good at throwing clothes into the dryer when I hand them to her one at a time. This is not surprising though because she absolutely loves throwing things. She has a shockingly good arm on her as well!

Every single day she does new things that make us realize that she is aware of what's going on and that while she still can't say much, she has her own way of communicating with us. It makes everyday exciting for us, as her parents, because we wake up every morning wondering what new thing she'll do today.