To Wean or Not to Wean...That's No Longer the Question

As I have mentioned before, when you first have a baby, there is an enormous amount of pressure to breastfeed. Everyone from your doctor to the author of all those baby books to your friends to strangers on the street seem to have an unnatural interest in making sure that you plan to breastfeed because it is the "best thing" for your infant. I chose to breastfeed, not necessarily because of this pressure, but because it was something I really wanted to do. I felt lucky that Ellie and I were able to make it work and didn’t have too many problems. However, the older Ellie got the more I noticed that our society draws a fine line between giving your baby the best kind of nourishment and becoming a creepy pervert freak-show.

I guess it started when Ellie was about six months old that when it was mentioned in casual conversation that I was nursing instead of saying “How wonderful! That’s so great for the baby” as they did in the first few months, they began to say “Really? How old is your daughter?” with raised eyebrows. And as you can imagine, as the months passed it only got worse. “You’re still breastfeeding?” People said, unable to hide their shock/disgust, as though Elise were 11 years and not 11 months old. It got to the point that I felt like I have to explain myself (“she’s allergic to dairy and soy and there really isn’t a good formula option” or "the world health organization recommends that you nurse for two years so really she's well within the recommended guidelines") so that I didn’t come off like a total weirdo.

But really, why would I stop nursing at six months? The beginning was the hard part, when it hurts and the baby is eating so often and you are exhausted. Once you get over those humps, nursing is lovely and easy and convenient and if I have a job and a lifestyle where it makes sense to keep nursing why would I start paying for formula at that point? (especially if I have to pay for hypo-allergenic formula!) Ellie wanted to keep nursing and I could continue. In addition, when Elise became mobile, nursing was the only time she actually sat still and I always looked forward to our quiet time together.

All of that being said, when she was around 11 months, it just started getting harder. I was desperate to cut back pumping (the absolute worse thing about breastfeeding), and when I did, I essentially eliminated day time feedings which made my milk production plummet. Then, when she was a year old, we switched her over from bottles to sippy cups (they say bottles are bad for the teeth), and she became even less patient with nursing. Not only did I not have much milk to offer, but compared to the sippy cups where the milk just poured out, nursing became excruciatingly slow and a lot of work.

So, basically this is my long, soap-boxy way of saying that it's over. I started weaning her at the beginning of July and fed her the last time last Tuesday. The weaning process has come to an end; Elise is no longer nursing. The nighttime feeding was the last one I cut out, so after the last feeding we had two nights of complete meltdown (for about an hour) but by the third night it's like she'd completely forgotten that she'd been a nursing devotee for almost 14 months.

I guess I felt like I should share all of this because, much to my surprise, I have become a huge advocate for breastfeeding and I feel like this country has a long, long way to go. It was such an important part of the first year of Ellie's life that I don't want people to think that I stopped because Elise is "too old" to nurse or because I was hankering for pizza. I did not stop because people in this country have placed a bizarre window where it is not creepy to breastfeed or because some people think it's weird that I continued nursing after Ellie had teeth and was walking. I stopped because Ellie was ready to stop. Plain and simple. The process was slightly traumatic for both of us and it was a difficult decision to make, but in the end I think it was the best thing. Some babies are ready to stop nursing at 2 months, some at 2 years and some never take to it at all. And that's all ok. The important thing is that you do what feels right to you and your baby. I look forward to the day that mothers in this country will not feel judged for choosing not to nurse, or choosing to nurse "too short" or "too long". I don't regret nursing for as long as I did and I don't regret stopping. In the end, it was the "best thing" for my daughter. And that's what really matters.