Week 15 - Home Alone

This week, Marty ventured to California to represent the Molloy clan at our dear friends wedding (congratulations Meredith and Ryan!) so for the long weekend, it's just us girls. The decision for us to stay behind was a long and hard one, but the more we thought about it, taking a 3 1/2 month old on a 5 hour plane ride to a place with a 3 hour time difference for 4 days just seemed like a bad idea. And logistically, a breastfeeding mom can't go anywhere without her baby without spending an obnoxious amount of time with her pump. So, sadly, we had to send Marty to sunny So Cal without us.

Thus, I am getting a glimpse into the life of the single mom, and I have to say, hats off to single moms! It's really exhausting to do it all on your own. Marty is a wonderful person and a wonderful husband, so it comes as no surprise to me that he is also a wonderful father. But I guess it is possible that I sometimes take all that wonderful for granted. I grew up in a house where the chores were equally divided - there was never any "womans work" or "mans work" so I just figured that that is how things are. Long gone are the days when the wife does all the child rearing and the dad brings home the bacon and pretty much just interacts with the kids on major holidays. These days, it's common for husbands and wives, dads and moms to share responsibilities and to not be boxed in to typical gender roles. But maybe it's not as common as I assumed. Perhaps those days aren't as far off as I thought.

Several people have actally asked me "Does Marty change diapers?" to which I answer "Um...yeah" and then they say things like "That's so great!" or "What a great father!" Yes, he is a good father; a great father. But because he changes diapers? Of couse he changes her diapers! She poops a lot! And where is my pat on the back for changing diapers? I bet no one has ever asked Marty if I ever change Ellie's diaper. He's not a great father because he changes diapers. He is a great father because he rolls up his sleeves and does everything. And he loves Ellie with every ounce of his being and would do anything for her. So it got me thinking, are all fathers not as involved and active as Marty?

Sadly, I think that the answer is no. I recently asked two different new dads how they were enjoying parenthood, to which they both similarly replied with a very weak "It's ok" and "my wife does pretty much everything at this point". I was floored! If you ask Marty how he likes fatherhood, he would brighten up, grin from ear to ear and then ramble for hours about how strong and beautiful and fantastic Ellie is and how much he loves being a dad. Now, you may be saying to yourself, Marty is that enthusiastic about everything, but truly he has taken on the role of father wholeheartedly, loves it, and does it really, really well.

Raising Ellie is a responsiblity that Marty and I happily share. We both change diapers, wake up in the middle of the night, rock her to sleep, play with her and so on. With him gone for the weekend, it makes me realize how lucky I am have to a partner that shares the responsibilties that come with having a child...because there are many! And it's just not as much fun when you're doing it alone.