Two Year Check Up: A Birthday Adventure

Nurse: We were getting too many false positives with the finger prick, so now we're drawing blood to check for...

Ellie: SCREAM!!!!! OOOOOWWWWW! OOOOOOWWWW!
Marty: Ellie, she hasn't even done anything yet, that's just the alcohol swab... and
Nurse: She's got great veins, this should be no problem

Ellie: sniffle, sniffle, wimper... WWWWWAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! WWWWWAAAAAHHHHH!!!!
Marty: (straining to keep Ellie's arm still) It's okay honey, it's okay. (thinking : Seriously lady just stick the needle in the vein, that is your THIRD time missing my daughter's arm, one more and I'm gonna stick you!) It's okay honey.

Happy Birthday Elise.

MARTY: Elise had her two year check up appointment with the doctor this week, and while doctors visits are never the most fun thing, this one took the cake for most disastrous visit ever. First of all, appointments at this practice are generated by going on-line and designating your preference for the day of the week, doctor and time (morning, afternoon, evening). When Meredith made the appointment six months ago she went ahead and checked evening thinking that Ellie would probably be going to bed later (she's not - still gos to bed at 7) and it would be nice not to have to leave work early or go in late to take her to the doctors (bad idea). So the appointment was made for 6:45pm. On June 30th. (Her Birthday) Even though it was her birthday, we really celebrated on Sunday so we thought that the fact that it was her birthday would be no big deal. Now we see that these are the kind of things that Ellie is going to rant about in her personal memoir entitled, "I survived despite my parents."

Before even leaving the house, Ellie and our neighbor Miles got into a large skirmish about who should be opening the birthday present that Miles brought over for Ellie. Miles thought he should open it and Ellie thought she should. No compromises could be made and the situation escalated into an epic battle that resulted in a major meltdown on Ellie's part - she completely freaked out. Rightly so if you think about it, I mean afterall, it was a gift for her and she has become pretty good at accepting gifts. After plenty of time and separation from Miles, she finally calmed down and, alas, it was time to head to the doctor. So basically this whole evening started off on the wrong foot. On the walk over to the doctor office Ellie said "I can't cry at the doctors." We have no idea where on earth she even get that impression, and I told her that it was okay for her to cry if she felt like she needed to. Little did we know how readily she'd take us up on that offer.

Once we were in the exam room, she was settled in to Meredith's lap and the nurse came in. Ellie got shy, but seemed generally okay until the nurse put the tape measure around her head. Ellie completely lost it, essentially telling her that if she touches her again she'd chop off both her arms (or something to that effect, it gets a little garbled in translation.) The threats continued however and proved empty as she cried the rest of the time the nurse was in the room measuring her and weighing her. She stopped crying as soon as the nurse left.

There was a pleasant lull as we explored the room and Ellie's sense of security rose as she thought the worst must be over. I mean it was her birthday right?

ELLIE: Mommy and Daddy wouldn't subject me to torture from strangers on my... who dat?! Once the doctor walked in, the crying welled up in me and the threats of bodily injury to the doctor once again beamed from my mind. Daddy picked me up and tried to soothe me to avail. The doctor was more cautious than the nurse and took her time to let me see that she was just going to type on the computer and talk with Mommy and Daddy and see, nothing going on, see no one is going to bother Ellie, just look at the pretty pictures of all the children that have survived, I mean been seen here. See, Ellie there is nothing to be frightened of... until the cautiousness ended and with the speed of a platypus and the traitorous Daddy as her assistant, they ganged up on my poking and prodding with their instruments. FINE! If they want to push on my belly then I will destabilize them with my fearsome, WAIL OF TERROR - no adult ear stands a chance against it.

MARTY: Once the doctor left, Ellie again regained her composure. Little did we know that the test of lead in her blood would be the perfect end to the worst birthday ever. It is now over an hour past her bedtime and they are going to attempt to draw blood from a tinnie, tiny little vein (unsuccessfully the first two times - shouldn't they be a little better at sticking tiny veins at the pediatricians office?). I held Ellie still in the chair and the children in the waiting room heard the tortured shrieks of terror from the exam room. All of them will be scarred for life having heard it. Ellie on the other hand got a really cool boo-boo sticker (band-aid). In fact, it's amazing what a band-aid and a long term memory that has not yet developed can do for turning a bad birthday into a good one. Ellie has been taking her dolls and stuffed animals to the doctor ever since.